Breaking the Seventh

He's hot, blue-eyed and butt naked.

Did I mention he's naked? And I've never seen the guy before in my life! So WHY is he doing the backstroke in my neighbor's pool?

Myles Bellamy may be a walking wet dream, but turns out he's got the temperament of a bull shark. And yet every time I clash with the new next-door Neanderthal, I find myself fantasizing about all the dirty things he could do to me. Really dumb on my part, considering the timing...

She's certifiably nuts.

I'm not kidding. That chick is wonkier than Willy’s chocolate factory. Between her head-banging music, smoke alarms going off during séances and the dog I'm pretty sure she trained to crap on my lawn, I'm about ready to give Leah Whitfield a piece of my mind. Or better yet, a piece of me. Because every time I catch her sunbathing in that barely-there bikini, my resolve turns to dust.

And her excuse for turning me down? Her birthday's coming up. According to Leah's weird and warped logic, that day is supposedly cursed.

See what I mean? I can't even...