Gunslinger

I’m that rare breed of playboy that sees my glass as overflowing. Screw that half-full B.S., I excel at taking everything all the way to the top. Heisman Trophy… League MVP… Ten Pro Bowls.

The only thing missing is a Superbowl ring and my own family. With a three in front of my age now, I ain’t getting any younger. So after a bomb gets dropped into the middle of my life, I decide to temper my manwhore ways and start adulting.

First order of business? I buy a huge house in the burbs with a white picket fence. But after my dog rips through my neighbor’s prized rosebush, I start my new life on the wrong foot with contrition in my heart and an apology on my lips.

And my new neighbor, yeah, she already hates my guts.

Even as she spews her venom, I imagine her above me. Below me. Sinking to her knees.

With her haughty intelligence and her fancy PhD, she thinks she knows everything about sex. Too bad her knowledge comes from a textbook, while mine comes from real life.

Despite my epic reputation as the NFLs hottest sex machine, Raven thinks I can’t perform in the bedroom, like I can on the field.

Just because she’s a sex therapist and I’m not, doesn’t mean she’s… ahem… more skilled. So I’m going to tell her – no, scratch that - I’m going to show her.

She’s got it all wrong.