Has Anyone Seen My Sex Life?

It’s normal for your washing machine to get more action than you, right?

I wake up, bleary-eyed.

It’s been two years, six months and three hours since I last shaved my legs, and the llama-patterned knickers I’m wearing have seen better days.

We have seven minutes before the kids wake up, and my husband shuffles closer. ‘Ouch,’ he says, a piece of Lego sticking into his back.

Then, a light comes on in the landing. Small footsteps creep down the stairs. A little voice screams, ‘IS SOMEONE COMING TO MAKE BREAKFAST?!’

All hopes of having some ‘alone time’ is replaced with wondering if we’ve run out of Cheerios, thinking about the overflowing laundry, and remembering that I forgot to take out the recycling. Again.

Just a typical Monday morning for the Morton family…

Except today, when I go downstairs in my dressing gown, I find something. Something belonging to my husband. Something that definitely wasn’t mentioned in the wedding vows. And it’s either going to make us… or break us.

An utterly hilarious and unmissable novel for anyone who has ever felt like they spend more time washing the dishes than getting lucky. Fans of Why Mummy Drinks and The Unmumsy Mum, and rom-coms by Sophie Ranald and Sophie Kinsella, will ugly laugh at this gloriously funny and relatable read.

Readers totally love Kristen Bailey:
‘ Laugh-out-loud funny!!!! ... I found myself snorting with giggles on the train . Easy to read and topical... With loveable and realistic characters .' Goodreads Reviewer

‘Not many books have the ability to make me belly-laugh and have teary eyes in the same proportions… A hilarious analysis of the daily grind of family life that every parent can identify with . Kristen Bailey perfectly captures the chaos, mess, emotions, tearing-your-hair-out moments and love that surround the demands of a modern family.’ Goodreads Reviewer, 5 stars

‘I can't honestly remember when I had this much fun with a book . This story is awesome .’ Goodreads Reviewer, 5 stars

‘An insightful and endlessly witty take on parenthood with bags of drama to keep the pages turning. I would recommend to parents and non-parents alike! ’ Goodreads Reviewer, 5 stars