Rated-XXX

So, this whole thing started with a dick cake. Literally, a cake shaped like a dick. Phallic confectionary. I spill a cup of coffee on the patron. We become friends. We fall in love.

Wait, let’s back-track a bit.

I’m Bailey Finch: twenty-four, living in LA, and working as the lowly Calendar Editor for a trendy Sex & Relationships magazine - think Cosmo on methamphetamines. I mostly take coffee orders.

I’m also woefully body-conscious, clinically anxious, and still a virgin. Not the cute, quirky sort, either. I’m a borderline train-wreck on my best days, and a dumpster fire on my worst.

But here’s the real kicker: the Dick Cake Guy? He also ends up being the best career opportunity to possibly fall into my lap. His name is Elijah Mattox: BDSM Porn Star prodigy, wanna-be mainstream actor, and the subject of my very first magazine interview.

Or at least, that’s how it started. There was something much bigger yet to come - no pun intended.

Rated XXX: A virgin. A porn star. A comedy.