Heather

14 Reasons Why You Should Get With
Heather Loralie

H. You’ve never known anyone who makes you feel the way she does
E. She’s drop dead gorgeous, with the best body you’ve ever seen
A. The clothes she wears are all inadvertent cosplay outfits
T.  She can keep secrets (?)
H. She won’t hit the wall for decades
E. She’s never mentioned anything about being a feminist
R. She looks at you the same way you do her

L. You’ve never heard her talk about her dietary preferences
O. When you’re with her the world is more vibrant, more... colourful
R. She somehow makes dungarees look good
A. She’s the only girl you’ve ever truly wanted to protect
L. Since you have no children, with her, you get to play father
I.  She’ll remain fertile for decades
E. She hasn’t ploughed her way through more pipe than Andy Dufresne

1 Reason You Should NOT Get With
Heather Loralie

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14. Making you, 21 years her senior.
You’re 35, Michael. 35.
Heather is 14.

Heather Loralie is fourteen years old